Kurdishaspect.com - By Kay Azadabeen
My spouse (MS) and I have a unique relationship and lived a happy life together for years. MS is talkative and turns talks into action. I rather quietly write for the same purpose. Culturally we are adaptive, while biologically we are happy with our different genders and ethnic backgrounds. Our story could be the story of different couples or different nations. It is for the reader to guess who we are and what we might do next.
As culturally adaptive couple, we have not set who should have the male and female roles in our common life. At times MS leads the household and at times I do. We each had given up all we had at home and then met in Diaspora and started from scratch together. We do not depend on each other financially and each of us can support a family alone. While I try not to leave any dishes unwashed, MS makes sure that we have something fresh on our dinner table. For the past years, whoever had spare time washed the clothes, vacuumed the floor, and changed the diapers of the kids who are adults now. I tend to be sympathetic, relaxed, and compassionately neutral to all people. MS tends to be stern, ambitious, and naturally compassionate to everyone she knows.
We started with friendship, fell in love, and gradually became friends again. In order to be together, we married officially through the state. A civil union was not an option, even in the federation of the states where we first met and united. We had decided not to let religion interfere with the state and did not have a religious ceremony for our union. I continue to value our friendship and MS rather values our marriage. I argue that marriage is an old patriarchic institution and does not serve contemporary individuals. MS argues that marriage is the foundation of a healthy family.
MS and I have an abundance of good friends to whom we relate and who relate to us very well. I love and respect the family members of MS, and MS does everything to respect and care about my additional friends, who are similar to my family members.
We relate to each other in many but not in all areas. Ethnically MS was fortunate and has a set national identity, while I still try to set mine. MS does not relate to my determination that setting such an identity is essential for further growth, while I cannot relate to MS who argues that nationality is insignificant despite officially lacking one.
Our love was so deep that we could not separate for a day, yet at times we were separated for years while we remained romantically in love. Progressively the deep romance was turned to mere respect and care, in other word to love of friendship.
I argue now that friends do not need to have romantic love in order to love each other, and suggest separation to MS. MS argues traditional family values are more important than romance and prefers marriage or divorce over separation. Of course we have our ambivalences. MS takes care of own individual needs and believes in the successful contribution of individuals in the society, yet argues that individualism is selfish. I, on the other hand, do not care much about own individual needs, yet know that individualism is the first step toward creating a society of selfless people.
Considering the intellect, the hard work, and the compassion of MS as well as our similarity and history together, I will not find a more suitable spouse, if having a spouse is an absolute rule of life. However, considering a deep conviction about freedom for MS, myself, and everyone else over anything absolute, I welcome your guess and comment about what the next step might be.
