The purpose of this satirical piece is to reflect a discussion I recently observed. The theme was about the readiness of the European Union in joining Turkey. Prominent pundits were highlighting the pros and cons of this controversial political decision. What to do with the Kurds was a major focal point of the discussion. Believing that a Turkish soldier is as lovable a fellow human being as a PKK pishmarga, I pointed out that rejecting violence, as Gandhi did, is a must for any real progress toward liberation.
Of course many of the experts were also believers of Gandhi’s style inner revolution. However, some argued that before full assimilation of the Kurds and others Non-Turks, or their total annihilation, Turkey would not take any serious measure to move forward. Turkey had summarized its expectations in ten resolutions.
1. In order for the EU to join Turkey, the citizen of all EU members should consider themselves proud Turks and help with elimination of less desirable people such as Kurds.
2. Turkish needs to become the only official language of all the EU member states.
3. The EU should participate actively in helping Turkey to occupy the Kurdistan of Iraq and make sure the Kurdish tribes restart fighting each others.
4. While Turkey believes in National Capitalism, it values National Socialism for another purpose. In order to prevent the collapse of Arabic National Socialism in Syria and revitalize the one that collapsed in Iraq, the EU should support the Syrian government to continue its Arabic National Socialism and deny the existence of the Kurds.
5. The EU should work with Iran, as the major force behind religious fascism and terrorism, to continue the imprisonment and execution of the Kurdish activists in the name of the compassionate and merciful god.
6. All EU member states should adopt article 301 of the panel code of the Turkey and make sure that freedom of speech is controlled with all means available to the NATO members.
7. No state should frown upon imprisonment, torture, and assassination as appropriate methods to frighten the dissidents.
8. The EU member states may remain secular but should adopt the Islamic mentality in their culture as the superior ideology which guides the masses not to question anything but to submit to their godly chosen leaders.
9. All EU member states should build mosques and Islamic schools so people have the opportunity to learn about Islam and convert to this superior monotheistic faith that has an answer for every private and public affair.
10. All EU member states should limit the rights of women, circumcise men, and avoid wine and pork from their diet unless it is Kosher pork.
After a careful review of the resolutions, the representative of the EU decided to think twice before joining Turkey. They preferred to work with the honorable people such as the Kurdish former PM Mrs.. Layla Zana and the Turkish professor Dogo Ergil who neither submit to force nor accept the supremacy of any nation or faith but rather believe in justice and equality for all.
Based on such a decision by the EU, it is expected that Turkey will at some point recognize what is at its best interest and respect the identity and the right of self determination of all nations including the Kurdish one.
I celebrated such an expectation with a beautiful, elegant, intelligent and ambitious Kurdish student at lunch. I suggested having pork chops and red wine. Being health conscious and still new to the culture of liberation, she was reluctant to choose what I suggested. She ordered vegetarian but tasted some of my meal to show her respect and caring attitude. I tasted some of hers and finally we kissed each other good bye. I spend the rest of the day with a remarkable intellectual friend who knew deeply about the social and political ailments of the Middle Ages that is still happening in the Middle East. We agreed that change and progress is inevitable despite all the obstacles.
